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December     Last updated: December 30 : 7:00 p.m.

India That Is Bharat
Satiricus

Making of History

A stamp of Christ to stamp out communal Krishna Journalist Khushwant Singh once said curiosity is the quintessence of journalism. But Khushwant Singh is now old, and times have changed. Ask any reporter on the staff of India's biggest English-language daily, and he will tell you that with deadlines to beat there is simply no time now for curiosity. For curiosity requires finding out, curiosity requires reading up, curiosity requires research. Curiosity even requires some investigative journalism. And which reporter worth his monthly pay cheque has time to waste on such trumpery pursuits? This is especially true when he has to write about history. With so many history books through which reporters—poor fellows perpetually pressed for time—can hurriedly glance, why should a reporter while away precious time to find out if the history that is printed is worth the paper it is printed on, or if it is a classic case of suppressio veri, suggestio falsi? His attitude is simple, straightforward, and time-saving—what is printed, happened; what is not printed, did not happen.

Take this big, bold and catchy heading in Indian Express about how “RSS sells its version of history”. In his delightfully derisive piece the paper's Chandigarh reporter writes that in the literature produced by the RSS for its current all-India mass contact campaign “RSS workers have been credited with guarding the Golden Temple premises from March 6 to 10, 1947 and foiling a major attack on it on March 9-10.” But did they really deserve that credit? This reporter is more or less sure not, because “It's a different matter, of course, that no other history book mentions this incident.” Of course, of course. Satiricus does not know how many “other history books” this reporter read to get his facts and nail the RSS fiction, but it seems those history books did not have enough paper to give the long list of 75 RSS workers who protected the Golden Temple in those days and whose names are to date on record.

Did this reporter go to the RSS office to get this record? Oh well, that is a “different matter”, as the reporter himself says, because RSS records and secular stories—sorry, histories—are different matters. From Punjab this reporter goes down to Dadra-Nagar Haveli, and asks, “What do you do when people don't buy your version of history?” Why, reject the goods offered, and walk out of the shop, of course. So this quality-conscious correspondent righteously rejects the claim that “RSS workers liberated Dadra and Nagar Haveli from the Portuguese in 1954”. That Satiricus personally knew an RSS worker who was in Dadra-Nagar Haveli during the liberation is, of course, neither here nor there. Would the Express reporter like to know this RSS worker's name? And finally this studious scribe finds no history book that says “the plan for Goa's liberation was drafted by the RSS”. That of course puts paid to the RSS claim. As it unfortunatley happens, however, a certain RSS worker, who was actively involved in this plan is now a well-known personality of Maharashtra, is still living, and is a good friend of Satiricus. But of course such truths are bothersome trifles.

And can such trifles be allowed to trifle with history? Of course not. Because it would mean allowing truth to interfere with secularism. Mathew Arnold had called history “a huge Mississipi of falsehood”, but then, he was not a secular Indian, so he had no way of knowing that secular history is a gigantic gutter of falsehood. Then there are cynics who say there are three categories of historians—the gullible, the partisan, and the ignorant. But Satiricus is not a cynic, so he will only say that reporters who depend upon all these three categories of historians themselves fall into just one category—they are gullible and partisan and ignorant. That is the triple test for deadlines. Anyway, what is history? History is, after all, his story or her story (if it is a Romilla Thapar or a Renuka Narayanan who tells it). And every story must be readable to become a popular piece of fiction. For a popular piece of fiction has to be a fanciful figment of the imagination. Is this not precisely why the Aryan Invasion theory is so popular? A polymath like Satiricus' friend Dr. N.R. Waradpande has written a whole book showing that this Aryan who is credited with this invasion is himself a figment of the European imagination.

That tempts Satiricus to borrow from Mathew Arnold and say that European Indology is a huge Mississipi of falsehood, but that would make Satiricus guilty of a falsehood, because the Mississipi is in the USA, not in Europe. And if Satiricus has to stick to European history, the Christians of Europe and the secularists of India inform this ignoramus that Europe had virtually no history before Christ. But was Christ himself history? The Dead Sea Scrolls say most probably not. What does this mean? It means most probably these scurrilous scrolls were secretly put in the Dead Sea by some Sanghwala. Fortunately the Sanghwalas in the secular Government of India are dead against communalism, so last year they issued a postage stamp on the sacred occasion of “Yesu Christ Jayanti”. Does that mean the birth of Jesus Christ 2000 years ago is a historical fact? The secular Government of India says that is right, but most Western Christian scholars say that is wrong by at least four years.

And if the birth of Christ is a historical fact, why not the birth of Rama and Krishna? Satiricus has not seen a postage stamp on Rama on Rama Navami or on Krishna on Krishna Ashtami. Oh well, that might stamp the government with communalism. Funnily enough, many non-Hindu countries of the world have issued postage stamps on Hindu gods and goddesses. Just a couple of years ago Japan issued a stamp showing Lord Krishna playing the flute. How could progressive Japan become so regressive? To cap it all, a knowledgeable Muslim friend told Satiricus that even Islamic states are no exception in such depictions. Some of their stamps show scenes like Sita sitting in Ashok Vatika, a dancing Radha, and Lakshmana with bow and arrows. This is the limit. Our government must do something about it. But what? Satiricus suggests that it should make another attempt to become a member of the Organization of Islamic Countries, so that it could take up the issue of the issue of such philatelically profane pictures.