RSS  |  Samvad  |  Vital Infotech Ltd.

January     Last updated:January 20 : 7:00 p.m.

India That Is Bharat
Satiricus

The honeymooning Siamese twins
Real & Unreal Millenniums

DID Satiricus step into the twenty-first century last year, or did he do so this year? Not being a Christian scholar (or even a Christian sans scholarship) he is not sure. What makes him all the more unsure is the statement well-known science-fiction writer Arthur Clarke issued the other day, in which he said : "The intelligent minority of this world will mark January 1, 2001 as the real beginning of the twenty-first century and the Third Millennium." That of course lets Satiricus out, because neither his worst enemy nor his best friend would accuse him of belonging to the intelligent minority. They both know that he belongs-and has always belonged-to the unintelligent majority, the Hindus. What is worse, not content with being an unintelligent Hindu, he is also an ignorant Hindu journalist. As a result he did not know that he should have forsaken ignorant Hinduism and embraced knowledgeable Christianity to understand the distinction between the "real" third millennium and the "virtually real" third millennium. To his consternation he now sees that not only are there two Christian third millenniums, but there are many non-Christian millenniums as well. For instance the Muslims are only four hundred years into the second millennium, the Hindus are in the fifth millennium according to one of their many calendars, the traditional calendars of Israel and Egypt run into the seventh millennium, China has its own calendar, and finally even some Christian minorities like the Coptics are only in the year 1716. But so many millenniums need not confuse this mutt. For the unreal millenniums are for the unintelligent majority.

* * *

In ancient times Siam and India that was Bharat may have been Siamese twins in many points of similarity. But in modern times things are different. Siam is now Thailand, and India that was Bharat is now Bharat that is India. So the Thais must not presume to imagine that they have the same expertise in election-time bribery as us Indians. Take this general election of January 6 in that country. Votes were bought on a large scale, which, of course is all right. For votes are meant to be bought, as every Indian voter knows. But should the Thais have gone about it in such a crude, messy way? It has been reported that Thailand's election watch-dog was forced to throw out evidence of vote-buying because it couldn't stand the smell? Their election commission office was filled with thousands of items from soaps to clocks to pots and pans given by candidates to voters-and some of these "gifts" have begun to rot. "Fresh items such as eggs started to rot, and fish sauce in broken bottles caused a foul smell in our office", said the election commission's secretary, "so we had to throw them away, and took pictures of the items as evidence instead". See? See how the Thais have made a literal mess of the fine Indian art of vote-buying. When Thai voters accepted eggs from a Thai candidate, were they thinking of making omelettes or of throwing them at the candidate? The fish sauce was also a fishy business and should have been avoided in the interest of a clean political environment. But the pots and pans and clocks are not a bad idea. They add a welcome element of transparency to secretive bribery.

* * *

The ritual of ridiculing the RSS must be religiously observed, because it is the sacrosanct sine qua non of secular journalism. So it is in the fitness of things that the learned editor of the very Indian Express should write an editorial titled "Honeymoon is Videshi" making fun of the RSS for holding that feminism is anarchic, inspired by the West, and goes against Indian family values. Being a mere male, and an Easterner to boot, Satiricus is not quite conversant with the many splendours of feminism, but he is sure the erudite editorialist of the Express knows them all. One of them must be famous pop singer Madonna having two children from two different men without getting married to either. Another must be famous filmstar Elizabeth Taylor getting married for a seventh time to a man about thirty years younger to her. Surprisingly enough, Satiricus recalls that during one of his visits to the USA his American host, a lady who was a professor, alluded to Elizabeth Taylor's many marriages and bluntly said, "She is virtually a prostitute". Oh! Would not the Indian Express editor be shocked to find that an American lady could be so Indian in her values? As for family values, data available from reserach on family life in the USA has recently brought out some facts and figures, according to which 32 per cent children were born of un-wed mothers in 1996, only 52 per cent children lived with their original parents in 1998, most Americans take a "trial run" before marrying, and the most common arrangement now is unmarried men and women living together. And if there is no marriage, there can be no honeymoon, videshi or swadeshi.

* * *

The way HRD Minister Dr Murli Manohar Joshi is going about in the area of education is, to say the least, alarming. For it shows that while the entire BJP inside and outside the government has gone secular, Dr Joshi sticks out like a sore, communal thumb. Not content with defending Saraswati and offending Christ, he now proposes to spiritualise even technical education. For the Education Department has decided to make "value education" a compulsory part of the curriculum at Indian Institute of Technology, Delhi, inlcuding religious discourses and meditation. In other words he wants to bring morality and technology together. Normally, like a good secularist, Satiricus would have laughed the funny idea out of court, but he is astounded to find that the Education Secretary himself and even IIT professors do not think the idea is a joke. One IIT professor actually said : "We want to make education holistic. This will make them better human beings." Good Lord! Satiricus never knew there could be a better human being than a secular human being. But this is precisely where the still unabashedly communal Dr Joshi needs to be watched. For only the other day he said in a speech that there should be Dharma in governance. This is a dangerous doctrine. For if politicians in power began to behave in accordance with Dharma they would be mixing politics with morality, and the mixture would produce Rajadharma-the Rajadharma that bound even kings like Rama and presidents like Krishna. And with Rama and Krishna interfering with Indian politics what would happen to Indian secularism.

Back to Top